To the dude next to me: glad you had some hand sanitizer, but your breath...oh me oh my...get something for that too.
To the bus driver: if you have to wait longer than 5 minutes because a connecting bus is running late, stop your yapping and at least inform the other passengers that is the reason for the delay.
To those engaging the crazy old man: stop engaging the old man if you want him to shut up.
Quotables:
"Married? I'm not married. *pauses* Yeah I am, I'm married to that moonshine." After stating earlier he was indeed married.
"I was in the service." "What branch?" "Army, Salvation Army." *collective groan*