Bad Blogger...and to make it worse...

I suck at updating. But I did see this dude on the bus today with what I believe were actual coke bottle glasses. I've never seen lenses that thick, worse than the dude from Office Space.

Anywho, my laptop was stolen this past weekend which will make blogging a whole lot more difficult, but don't fret, you can always follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/chickenb00

Oh and I'm shitty that the cost of bus fare has gone up AND they're cutting routes. WTF?

Note to Self: Don't Take the Last Bus of the Night

It doesn't matter what night of the week it is, the last bus of the night...crazy madness.  Not only is it a route I prefer not to take and packed to the brim...it's loaded with the drunks and crazies, along with some semi-normal people.

To the dude next to me: glad you had some hand sanitizer, but your breath...oh me oh my...get something for that too.

To the bus driver: if you have to wait longer than 5 minutes because a connecting bus is running late, stop your yapping and at least inform the other passengers that is the reason for the delay.  

To those engaging the crazy old man: stop engaging the old man if you want him to shut up.

Quotables:

"Married?  I'm not married.  *pauses* Yeah  I am, I'm married to that moonshine." After stating earlier he was indeed married.

"I was in the service."  "What branch?"  "Army, Salvation Army." *collective groan*

You Ever Been to Red Lobster?

While I hate when the bus gets crowded sometimes it can be quite entertaining...

Enter Al Sharpton who is forced to stand and shuffles back from the door: "I'm gon stop right here, where the grass is green." (He stopped in front of what I could only assume was a young woman he thought was attractive.  He then proceeds to belt out, "take me out to the ball game". 

Several passengers attempted to escape from the vicinity, but there weren't too many places to go as the bus was only getting more and more crowded as we headed downtown.

"You!  White girl with the gold earrings." sings some old song that now escapes my mind

"I'm gonna buy a Hummer." to the attractive woman he sang to earlier  (I giggled at this because my first thought was of the a different kind of hummer and how maybe he was talking about one of those.)

Definitely made my day a little brighter as I headed to work.

I'm ranting again...

First the bus...

• There is an older gentleman who gets on the bus from time to time with 50-eleven bags of varying degrees (child size girly backpacks, duffles, plastic shopping bags, etc.). I can only assume he's homeless (but can't figure out how he has a bus pass). He ALWAYS smells like syrup and urine. It ALWAYS makes me ill. I really wish they'd make some sort of rule where if you smell so putrid they won't let you on the bus, just like they some bus drivers won't pick of people who appear as if they've been drinking too much.
• It drives me nutty when people talk on their cell phones loudly whilst riding the bus. I don't care who's in jail, who just got paid, who you're sleeping with or where the party's at. Keep your voice down.
• Also, don't ask to use my cell phone. And quit bitching and wishing me ill will because I won't let you use my cell phone. It's not MY fault YOU'RE running late, you forgot to call so-and-so, etc. Can't you see I'm texting someone.

And now I just feel like ranting...(non bus related)...

The owners of my apartment building SUCK. When I moved in I was told they still needed to fix the shower but were doing so as I was signing the lease. LIE!!! When I moved in there was no shower knob, but being the smart girl that I am I dug out my pliers and attempted to turn on the water that way. No water. WTF? Then I realized I had to turn on the actual water supply...which was located in my bedroom. So here's how I have to bathe:

1. disrobe
2. reach into wall panel in bedroom and turn on warm and cold water
3. run to the bathroom and try to adjust water flow
4. turn on shower
5. shower
6. turn of shower
7. dry off as quickly as possible
8. run to bedroom and shut off water

This is ridiculous. I informed maintenance and the leasing office of this situation two weeks ago. They attempted to fix the tub faucet knob and then informed me that the shower needed to be replaced (you mean you didn't know this BEFORE you let me move in?). The knob promptly fell off in my hand when I attempted to use it. I was told over a week ago they'd be in to replace the shower and that day has come and gone and nothing has been done. Only to find out LAST Friday they couldn't enter my apartment because the only key available was the key I had and well I have to work in order to pay rent so I was at work when they tried to enter. The key problem has now been fixed (they changed the dead bolt leaving a small hole in part of my door). But still no one has been back to fix the shower after several calls to the office. And for the past week+ the faucet doesn't shut off completely via the water supply. At first it just drip, drip, dripped...now it constantly RUNS and gallons of HOT water are being wasted daily. This from a community that claims to be GREEN...right...wasting all that hot water. I'm not even sure what I can do at this point because complaining and informing the leasing office of this maintenance problem doesn't do anything. They just tell me over and over that someone will come in and look at it and when I arrive home from work no one has been in my apartment to come look at it. I don't even care at this point about the other maintenance problems that need to be fixed. I just want the shower fixed so that the water is not constantly running and that I can take a regular shower and can sleep at night with peace and quiet as opposed to the sound of running water.

I also believe that the frustration I feel due to this problem is leaking into other aspects of my life and causing me to be more "mean" and violent than usual. Just ask my coworker who I punched squarely in the chest...for no reason.

Also wanted to add:

• Pregnant women should not be out at: Coaches, FrontPage and anywhere else where there are large amounts of cigarette smoke and where you must be 21 and over to enter. If you wanna hang out at Urban Element...that's fine, it's a family place. But anywhere else is TOO MUCH. Take your pregnant ass home and get some rest. Yeah, you know who I'm talking about.
• FrontPage also needs to hurry up and reopen. I miss book club.

I'm Slacking

I know it's been awhile, but I've been kind of busy. Madness still ensues on the bus. I shall gather my list and update shortly. I will leave you with a little rant.

• I can't stand when people litter/leave random bits of paper, their drinks, old bus passes etc. on the bus when they depart. How hard is it to hold on to it until you get to the trash. Or the chick at the bus stop yesterday who threw her plastic wrapper at the garbage can and it missed and even at two feet away didn't even attempt to pick it up and actually deposit it into the waste receptcle.
• And a big FUCK YOU to the bus driver who made no attempt to see if I needed the bus today as I was trying to make my way to the bus stop (I was maybe 5 or 6 yards away). Then again maybe I should've attempted to wave him down. But really I was trying to make sure my flip flops stayed on because the damn things are NOT made for running.

Anywho...I'll be back shortly with hopefully some crazy little tid bits.

HERBERT!!!

Woman to couple walking up the street towards the bus stop, at the top of her lungs:  Herbert!  Herbert!  Is that you?  Herbert!  Come here and talk to your sister Herbert!

Lady, STFU...he's walking up the street.  He'll get here in less than a minute.  Must you yell?

Her yelling like that is stuck in my head.  Herbert!  Herbert!  I think I need some mind blowing sex where some man is yelling out my name to get her voice out of my head.  *rolls on floor laughing*  Then again that might not work and I could end up with her in my head yelling my name.  *shudders*

Expo Edition

Okay so this blog is supposed to be about my adventures riding the bus, but you know what it's my blog and I can do whatever I want with it, so this post is dedicated to the atrocities of this past weekend...Expo.

Actually this little tidbit is bus related. A few weeks ago a bus driver asked me if he could take me to Expo. After I told him that I didn't really care for the debauchery that is the weekend he told me all I really had to do was ride around in his car with him. I didn't even have to get out of the car. Um...right. I'm a beautiful woman (I'm not being cocky, that's confidence please don't get those confused), but I'm not a fucking trophy who you can parade around in your car. Lame-o.

Anywho...I work downtown in the mall and during Expo all the teenagers and some adults come out and parade around in outfits I can only assume come out of their closets just for Expo. It's ridiculous. Many, many fashion no no's. Oy. This is a probably a fraction of what I witnessed:

• lots and lots of fake sneakers, it broke my heart. Nice colorways though.
• tube socks (w/ stripes) and stilettos. I'm not sure what this chick was thinking.
• lace bras and booty shorts. (she could've be no more than 15)
  
• spandex outfits I normally see on strippers at the strip club (again on young, young girls. and yes I do enjoy going to the strip clubs, it's amusing. and yes I did state loudly something about stripper clothes and the girls looked back at me as if they knew EXACTLY who I was talking about.)
  
• more skin than when I go to the pool (and I wear a two-piece bikini).
  
• man-pris (I'm sorry if your shorts go down to your calves they're not shorts anymore).
  
• "dresses" that were probably more shirt length, you know you should be wearing leggings or pants or something with those.
  
• little girls trying to walk in stilettos, if you can't walk in the, don't wear them.
  
• oodles of sausage aka girls in shirts that are two or three sizes too small and making them look like...well...sausage...sausage being squeeeeeezed really hard.
  
• short shorts with airbrushing across the booty.
  
• them damn Kanye sunglasses.
  
• nice high waisted shorts and a cute top and some fucking sneakers.
  
• mismatch of brightly colored everything.
• at least 9 or 10 pregnant girls running around like they weren't pregnant at all

I spent a lot of my work day looking around and tilting my head to the side and saying to myself WTF??? I feel like I can't even express in words how I feel about what these girls had on. I know it's a different time/century, but still...put some fucking clothes on.

I'm pretty sure there were a lot of babies conceived this weekend.  As I was coming into work on Sunday a handful of girls were getting on the bus in what looked like the clothes they probably had on the night before.  My only guess is they slept in SOMEONE'S hotel room the night before.  Hmmm...

A Tame Week

The crazies must've been on vacation this week due to the heat (unbearable).  Or gearing up for this past weekend.  Here's what I got:

Monday:

• A deaf man in suspenders (I think that must be the new new ish) talking to himself.  Yes, talking to himself...in sign language.  I talk to myself too, I just try not to do it out loud whilst in public.  
• A couple arguing/fighting on the bus so much so that the bus driver stopped, got up and walked to the back of the bus and threatened to put them off the bus if they didn't knock it off.  

Saturday (told you it was a slow week): 

• Woman (caucasian) approaches the bus door and asks if there are any seats on the bus, the bus driver tells her there are.  She peeks in and turns around and doesn't get on the bus.  The bus wasn't packed at all and it was pretty tame for a Saturday afternoon considering most people were heading downtown for Expo.

Oh and by the way, just like I said I would, I rocked the driving test and am now a licensed driver.  I'm also being a responsible adult and putting away money every time I get paid so that I may soon purchase a car, even though I have no real desire to deal with all those stresses.  

Excuse me, what?

Saturday:

I was taught as a child not to talk to strangers and generally as an adult still stick to that rule, unless my spidey senses deem said stranger okay to talk to.  And sometimes I'm just an ass and like to completely ignore people because I don't want to participate in any type of interaction with them.  This happens quite often on the bus.

While waiting for the bus:

Woman (standing 20 feet away): Do you got any smokes?

Me: *shakes head no*

Woman (10 minutes later as she's walking up): Do you got any smokes?

Me: No, I don't smoke.

Woman: Have you been waiting long?

Me: Yes. 

Woman: You got a cell phone?

Me: No. *tells self not for you* (I generally tell myself, "not for you" in my head so I'm not completely lying.)

Woman (as she walks away): Mmmmmh, you smell good.

Me: *confuzzled look on my face*

She must've had an ultra sensitive sense of smell because she never really got that close to me and the lotion I currently wear isn't particularly strong either.  She later flagged down what seemed to be a stranger and asked him for a smoke and then climbed right into his truck with him.

Yeah, I don't know.

A Week in Review

Monday's Cast:

• a pudgy young girl (no older than 10) wearing PlayBoy bunny earrings and an ill fitting shirt who I believe at one point back talked to her mother
• a could be pregnant girl (it's hard to tell some days with the way girls carry that belly fat) and her ever present house arrest anklet
• a much older woman rocking the fake rocawear tee (definitely too old for that type of attire)

I don't know why it surprises me that a mother would let her daughter wear such earrings, but I guess some parents just don't care anymore.  

Tuesday's Tomfoolery:

• my favorite - a gentleman in a suit wearing a colt's blue undershirt carrying a small TV AND...wait for it...a child's powder puff girl umbrella.  

The ride to work this morning was...I don't even know what word to describe it.  A few of the bus drivers have hit on me, but today when the driver approached the main stop downtown he got up and sat next to me and blocked me in and asked if I would accompany him to Expo.  All I could do was laugh nervously.  I told him I didn't do Expo and he responded by telling me that all I would have to do was ride in his car with him (because it was going to be the hottest one there).  I'm sorry, I'm not arm candy.  And I'm not that girl who cares about what kind of car you drive.  I reluctantly gave him my number (he's the bus driver...he could get me banned from the bus, I try to play to nice.)

Wednesday:

"This bus is full, you'll have to get the next bus."  The bus driver to the passengers waiting at the stop.  She didn't even bother to slow down and the bus was no where near full.  I believe she said this into the PA system...but then again she could've just been talking to those of us on the bus.  *shrugs*

Thursday (today):

Pretty tame ride today.  Just a few drivers who cut the bus off causing the driver to honk the horn wildly.  Not driving fast enough: honk, honk, honk.  Cut her off:  honk, honk, honk.  Sees another bus: honk, honk, honk.